 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
            |
|
June 16th, 2001: After another good night's rest, Mary and I planned our day. It was raining today in Washington, so we figured it would be a good day to go to the indoor sites. We went down to the dining room and had a buffet breakfast. After charging the meal to our room (I've ALWAYS wanted to do that), we headed back up to the room. I decided at that moment that I needed to get an umbrella. It was too rainy out. Since sales tax in Maryland is 5%, I figured it would be a good time to hit the malls. Mary and I headed to an unnamed mall and bought some stuff. I got sneakers, a Simpsons Trivia Game, and a Father's Day gift. It was a mountable CD player. We figured Dad would like it. We left the mall, and didn't you know it, we forgot to purchase an umbrella. Typical. We headed to Washington, DC again for the museums. We hoped to see the American History Museum and the Natural History Museum. Mary also wanted to see the National Archives. Being on a limited schedule, I figured we had enough time to cover those areas. Once parked in DC, we walked to the Archives. There was a long line, and it wasn't moving anytime soon. We noticed that the archives close at 9PM, and the museums closed at 5:30, so we decided to hit the museums first. We decided to forego the Natural History Museum and hit the American History Museum. I remembered going to this museum in 1992 when I was in 8th grade. It was cool, and it still was, except it was a lot more crowded than I remembered. Mary and I walked through the Information Age exhibit. The highlight was watching the old American propaganda video from World War II. We got a lot of chuckles out of that. We had lunch there, and if I may make a suggestion... DON'T! Goddamn, they like to fleece you there. Lots of overpriced crap. The hamburgers couldn't have been more done. Just do me a favor and never eat there. Sneak in a good meal when you get a chance. We headed over to the Archives and waited in line. We were moving up in the line, but not because they were letting people in. Lots of people were getting out of the line because they'd been there for a LONG time. We were going to jet, but the guards let us in. Unfortunately, this was the only place in DC we went through a metal detector. If I recall correctly, I went through millions of metal detectors on my last trip. We entered the Archives, and looked at all of the documents.... ***We interrupt this report with a flashback to May 1992... Man, I'm in the National Archives!!! (ed. note: keep in mind, I'm only 13 here. I can't exactly convey a human emotion in writing yet.) Look, it's the Declaration of Independence! And look, it's the Constitution... Let me just take a quick picture and HEY! Ow, that hurt. OK, OK, I won't take a picture, Mr. Guard Person... Almost broke my arm... ***We now return you to 2001... I really didn't want to piss of the guards this time... And I REALLY didn't this time because there was this huge man guarding the National Documents. He could've crushed me like a twig. And people who know me know I'm not exactly a branch, you know? Mary and I viewed the Declaration of Independence and The Constitution (well, pages 1 and 4... I still didn't hear clearly where pages 2 and 3 were located), and then headed out quietly. We went back to our car so we could head back to the hotel to freshen up for tonight's festivities. Before we did that, though, we decided to take a trip to Arlington National Cemetery. We parked the car and walked up to JFK's Eternal Flame. The view from the flame was amazing. We looked at the time, and realized that we didn't have enough time to see the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, so we headed back down the hill to get back to the hotel. I did notice that a Secret Service guy was at the cemetery (Well, I didn't notice it until Mary pointed it out. He had a pin and dark clothes and glasses on... For all I know, he could've been part of the Men in Black.) . I think he was eyeballing me... Oh well, nothing came of it. We got back to the hotel and freshened up for a night both of us anticipated. Like I said before, it was pure luck to score tickets to see Lewis Black in action. So we were really looking forward to it. We left the hotel at 8:30 PM, and arrived at the Improv at 9:15. Mary dropped me off at the front of the establishment so I could secure our tickets that she ordered before. I walked down, and I noticed that Lewis was finishing up his first show of the night. I didn't want to hear anything so to ruin the jokes. I walked up to the ticket window and asked for the two tickets reserved under the name Mary Lehecka. The woman checked the books... and she double-checked the name... I repeated the name for her, plus the fee Mary paid for the tickets... Then she had to check the computer... Turns out the name wasn't on the list... Some sore of operator error, I suppose... Anyhow, the nice lady at the Improv penciled us in, and I got the tickets. Phew... By the way, that's my way of signaling relief. It does not reflect on the smell of the building in any way. Mary finally parked the car and we waited outside. I could tell Mary was visibly excited to see Lewis perform. Both of us were just itching to get into the room and relax. We headed down the stairs at 9:45 and were let in at 10:15. We sat at the table assigned to us and ordered some sodas. I told you before that I don't drink, right? Well, if I didn't tell you, I told you now. We just sat there and watched as the staff of the Improv led everyone to their seats. After sitting for a while, we were introduced to the couple that would be sitting with us for the rest of the night. I don't remember their names, but they were an odd bunch. The woman seemed as though she didn't really want to be at the club. She was very to herself. The gentleman, on the other hand, couldn't have been stranger. For instance, he had this strange fixation on calling everyone he met "dude." I swear to God, he called the waiters "dude," he called me dude, I think he called my sister dude. What was that about? We told him where we were originally from, and I quickly learned that this was a mistake. For the rest of the night, the guy would continually point out that Upstate New York and New York City are like two separate worlds. It was an interesting take to hear from an outsider and local DC person, but to hear it 95 times over the course of the night was pretty damn grating. Overall, he was not wired correctly. The host for the evening came out: a local TV guy. I don't remember his name, sadly. He actually had some promise out there. I felt that his sex jokes were a little out of place and a bit uncomfortable, but overall he showed to me that he had potential. He was a comic without gloss, so to speak. The featured act was Andy Hendrickson. He was a local who based his operations out in Atlanta, but came back to DC as a special occasion. He was OK, nothing to write home about. I think he was a good warm-up for Lewis because he just wasn't that funny. You see a good warm-up comedian is worse than the actual act so that the actual act is that much funnier. Lewis Black finally came out, and the place exploded. He was shocked to see people who were happier to see him than he was to see himself. Man, that sentence was convoluted... but it worked. He talked about growing up nearby in Silver Spring, MD. To summarize: It's still a shithole. Different shit... same hole... Lewis did all-new material (comapred to his CD. Going back to his appearance on Letterman, he used some of the same jokes. I guess I didn't notice because this version used much more colorful language). It was very strong and hilarious. Hopefully, it'll be on a second CD, if he plans on doing another one. I sure hope he does. Mary and I had a great time at the Improv, despite it being as hot as a sauna. We left the establishment and went back to our hotel room. We got back at 1AM after stopping at 7-11 to get some munchies and plopped into bed. It was at 7-11, though, that I found out the left blinker on my car shorted out. In an unrelated note, would YOU spend $160 to fix a blinker? Jump to a page:
Prologue |
Go Back to the previous page.